When College Goes Awry

Isn’t “awry” a funny word? Looks like it should be pronounced “awe-ree”, sounds like part of a deli order? “What kind of bread do I want? Uh, rye.” 

But when college plans move in that direction, it’s anything but funny. Sometimes students get lost moving from a nurturing high school to a bureaucratic university. Some find they aren’t prepared academically, perhaps because of previously undiagnosed learning differences. Some reel from the lack of structure that home and high school provided, getting too caught up in the freedom and socializing of college life and losing track of why they are there. Mental health issues and addiction to substances or video games can co-exist in all of these situations. 

Whatever the cause, the result is lost time, possibly lost money, often family strife. For the student, emotional losses can include confidence and even a sense of self. They may feel embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty facing their family and friends.

For all the commonalities when college plans go awry, each student’s story is unique. This is the story of one young man I worked with, written by his mom. It has been lightly edited for clarity, length, and privacy purposes. 

We came to Ilene at a precarious time after our son experienced a difficult and discouraging first year at a large urban university that he originally thought was his dream school.  By his second semester there, it became clear he not only wasn’t thriving, but he needed a break from college altogether – something we never foresaw when he was accepted to the school at the top of his wish list.

While he was taking classes at a community college, Ilene was recommended to us and our son connected with her immediately.  She listened, with the compassion and clarity he needed at the time. Working together for a number of months, there were ideas exchanged about his future in general, exploring potential career paths that did not include college and always, our son clearly felt comfortable sharing honestly his interests, concerns, and hopes.  

Upon determining that he did want to transfer to a new college, together they came up with a list of potential schools he would apply to, all taking into account his newly determined priorities. He submitted applications he felt very good about to several schools. 

Our son is now attending and thoroughly engaged at the college of their (Ilene and his) choosing. To see our son move forward in his life positively and happily, after a very rough start to college, is such a joy for us. We couldn’t be more grateful for the part Ilene played in helping him find his way.